Focus on What Matters

"Many people are going through life "out of breath" because they are involved in so many activities--many of which do not contribute to their life's purpose.... So many agendas will compete for your energy and attention that if you're not committed to your own unique purpose, then your resources will be drained by everything else."

~ Fresh Air by Chris Hodges

Chapter 2: Catch Your Breath, pg 29

I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately, stalked by an ambiguous anxiety that's not caused by one big stressful thing, but rather a thousand little inconsequential chores or errands. 

It's funny how even things that are recreational or entertainment, like reading or hobbies or even watching TV, can warp into yet another thing on the To Do list. For instance, "having" to watch TV because you're trying to clear up your DVR queue.

The same has been true of reading for me as well. At the beginning of the year I challenged myself to read 150 before 2019. While I think this has generally gone well, it has had two shortcomings:

First: I had made such a difficult challenge in the hope that I would re-prioritize my time better, reading instead of watching TV. In a way this has been a success, in that I don't really sit down in front of The Tube and flick through channels trying to find something to watch to kill the time. 

("As if you could kill time without injuring eternity," as Thoreau said.)

I also find that I've spent less time surfing the web in favor of reading, which was a bonus I hadn't known I needed. 

However, this has not weaned me off my screen addiction entirely. 

Second: As mentioned above, this tall order has also had the negative impact on my perspective of reading, making it more of an assignment than a pleasure. There has been a sense of panic as the year careens through autumn into the inevitable winter and year's end. Will I have enough time? How will I coordinate such a heavy reading load with the upcoming holiday hustle? 

This has been especially difficult lately, as I've been encountering a string of disappointments. Two YA novels I'd put on hold--by authors I've liked in the past--turned out to be rather ho-hum, and so I ended up sending them back to the library after venturing only a few chapters into them. I'm a mere one play away from finishing reading all of Shakespeare, but for some reason the majority of the plays I'd left until the end were his history plays--not very riveting, especially since this part of English history isn't very familiar to me so it took a lot of effort to figure out who was who and what was happening. I've been jonesing for some good Science Fiction, thus far without success. 

But this all sounds so depressing, and I don't want to leave this post on a negative note. Hence the opening quotation. It's from a book I'm reading as part of my church's small group gathering (a sort of Bible Study/Book Club), Fresh Air: trading stale spiritual obligation for a life-altering, energizing, experience-it-everyday relationship with God by Chris Hodges. I'm not far enough into this book to tell whether I'd recommend it or even if I'll like it, but this quotation caught my attention. 

True, there are some things that one must do out of obligation, such as balancing a budget. (Ugh, don't remind me!) But there are other things that I have felt like I wanted to do just because of a vague sense of how it would make me look to other people. For example, I'm not a very musical person, but for awhile a few years back I tried to really get into playing stringed instruments, imagining how artistic it would make me. Yet that is not my passion, so even if I practiced enough to get really good--I didn't--it would not bring me much happiness, aside from what pleasure I might potentially glean from other's admiration. 

The fact is that the world is huge, full of a great many passions or interests or talents, and no one person can pursue all of them (with the possible exception of Leonardo da Vinci...and he had issues finishing any of his many ventures).  Life is too short to try to do everything, especially things that only interest you slightly. It is better to focus on what one feels called to do, to follow the instinctual cravings to do things that really give intrinsic joy (outside of what other people may think of you) even if those things are small and even seemingly insignificant. 

While it may be a sentimental cliche to "do what makes you happy," I think that God has made us all unique, giving us certain gifts or skills that equip us for the good works He wants us to do in our life. When we fulfill this purpose, we find the place where we belong, and this gives us contentment and peace in a world that is otherwise frantic and conflicted.