Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Frankenstein and Friends (the sequel to the novel)

CLARENCE*: Finally, having walked all the way across the Antarctic, travelled back to Switzerland—I always DID like Switzerland!—and taken the exact same Doctorate program in nebulous science that my creator did, I have come full circle in my existence! It’s….ALIVVVVVVE!

FRANKENSTEIN: Wait what?  I thought I died?  What am I doing here?  Where am—oh no.  What are these cords doing attached to me?  ACK!

CLARENCE: Hello, Victor.

FRANKENSTEIN: Well I can’t be in the afterlife, because I don’t believe you have a soul.  What have you done, you monstrocity, you?

CLARENCE: No need to be snippy.  I just brought you back to life.

FRANKENSTEIN: What?! How could you?!

CLARENCE: It was pretty easy, actually.

FRANKENSTEIN: I meant, HOW DARE YOU!?

CLARENCE: Um, you’re welcome!

FRANKENSTEIN: This is a nightmare!  I’ve become…you!

CLARENCE: Kinda makes you want to treat me with a little more respect, doesn’t it?**

FRANKENSTEIN: Uh, no.  That would be stupid.  Fine, so I’m alive again.  At least tell me you brought Elizabeth back, too.

CLARENCE: Nah.

FRANKENSTEIN: What about my brother?

CLARENCE: Nope.

FRANKENSTEIN: Justine?

CLARENCE: Never crossed my mind.

FRANKENSTEIN: Then, if you don’t mind me asking, why did you bring me back at all!!??

CLARENCE: I felt bad the way things ended with us.  I needed some closure.

FRANKENSTEIN: How’s this for closure: I HATE YOU!!!

CLARENCE: I know, I know.  But I feel like maybe it’s because we never had much time to talk, you and me, mano-e-mano, you know?  So this is an opportunity for us to have a real heart to heart.  Assuming you put a heart in me when you sewed me up, of course.

FRANKENSTEIN: I wish I’d thought of sewing dynamite as a failsafe into you so I could detonate when you turned into a rampaging murderer.  Or I could’ve listened to that Isaac Asimov chap about programming you with the three laws of robotics…if he’d been born yet.

CLARENCE: Look, I get that we’ve had our differences in the past.  I don’t much care for you, either.  But look on the bright side.

FRANKENSTEIN: The bright side of being resurrected by my nemesis?

CLARENCE: This situation could be the basis of one of those half-hour comedy programs on television! You know, the kind of sitcom where the two room-mates are forced to interact in awkward and hilarious situations while mutually hating each other?  I can practically hear the theme song now! 

FRANKENSTEIN: Please kill me again.

CLARENCE: Hey, how about I do revive Justine, and she can be the third point in a love triangle or the comedic straight-man who rooms with us?  It could be like a reverse Three’s Company!

FRANKENSTEIN: *pulls a lever to turn on the Tesla Coil electricity thingy and stuffs his head in the lightning bolts.  Much to his disappointment he survives*
 
CLARENCE: Hey, Frank...can I call you "Frank"?  I just had an awesome idea for some situation comedy relationship conflict!  See, I know I indirectly caused her to be executed for a murder she didn’t commit and all, but do you think Justine would be interested in dating me?



*Clarence is the name of the "monster," as I mentioned in my previous post.

**Yes, Clarence is a fan of Pig-Pen from "A Charlie Brown Christmas."

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